


The Cruellest Thing

by MorganaNK



Category: Inspector Lynley - All Media Types, Inspector Lynley Mysteries (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:28:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27457225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorganaNK/pseuds/MorganaNK
Summary: A fic set after 'In The Blink Of An Eye' but before 'Limbo".  Inspired by a post by HpLyrikz.com on Pinterest.Not sure about this one... but I'm going to post it anyway
Relationships: Barbara Havers/Thomas Lynley
Comments: 24
Kudos: 11





	The Cruellest Thing

**Author's Note:**

> Property of Elizabeth George and the BBC, no copyright infringement intended

I used to think that loneliness was the cruellest thing a human could be expected to endure.

I was wrong.

The worst thing isn’t being lonely, it’s being forgotten about by someone who you can never forget.

In my case, that’s Tommy.

Before we were partnered, I’d got used to my life, such as it was. My days were filled with working and taking care of my parents. Since the untimely death of my brother, grief had driven out their sanity. All that was left behind were empty shells of the people they used to be.

Tommy gave me purpose. A reason to get up in the morning. A friendship that I valued beyond anything else. And a love that I did my best not to reveal to anyone, especially him, which is why when he showed a glimmer of romantic interest in Helen I all but pushed him into her arms, her bed, and eventually into marriage.

Then Helen died and he shut me out.

I hadn’t expected him to just brush off her passing as if nothing had happened, but I had thought he would need me, just as I have always needed him. 

I’ve tried to reach out to him, to be there for him as he has been for me on so many occasions, but he isn’t interested. 

It’s killing me, being so distant from him, but I don’t know what more I can do.

_I used to think that loneliness was the cruellest thing a human could be expected to endure._

_I was wrong._

_My loneliness began when I discovered my mother ‘in flagrante delicto’ with the good doctor Trenarrow. Already weighed down by my birthright, I spent my formative years lurching from one disastrous relationship to another, desperately seeking something to fill the void that consumed me._

_And through it all Helen was by my side, even if she did regularly ridicule me and call me a tortured adolescent trapped in a grown man’s body._

_When Deborah abandoned me for Simon, it was Helen who supported me, who listened to me. I thought she was my truest friend and I convinced myself that I was in love with her._

_And then I met Barbara Havers._

_I’d heard about her, who in the force hadn’t, and at first, she definitely lived up to her reputation. But gradually, things changed._

_Somehow, without meaning to, I fell in love with her._

_I kept that revelation to myself, especially as she did her utmost to push me into Helen’s arms, and instead accepted her as a partner and a friend. Even though I wed Helen, I made sure that I was there for Barbara whenever she needed me, sometimes to the detriment of my marriage._

_Then Helen died and I plunged headfirst into alcoholism._

_Barbara’s tried to reach me, but every time she’s held out an olive branch, I’ve slapped it away. As much as my entire being is screaming out for her, I can’t let her see me like this._

_I’ll destroy myself before I destroy her._


End file.
